Hello. Come on in. The daddy writes about current events, literature, music and, once in a while, drops something on you from back in the day to make you pause and ponder, stop and stare, and begin to wonder. Who knows? You may start to pace the floor, shake your head from side to side, then fall down on bended knees in a praying position and cry, "Lawd, have mercy! What is this world coming to?" Check yourself! But this blog is NOT about the daddy. It's about you: your boos, your fam, your hood, your country...our hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow. So let's make a pact: the daddy will put it on the track if you'll chase it down and hit him back. Together, we can definitely take it to another level. Shall we?"

Saturday, October 31, 2009


"I don't think he's ready for it on three days' rest," I think you're taking a chance on really pushing him."
--Phillies manager Charlie Manuel on why he made the decision to use Joe Blanton instead of Cliff Lee for game 4.

Joe Blanton

" I'm glad I’m not a manager. We don’t think that far in advance. We really want to win [tonight’s] Game 3. After that’s over, we’ll see who’s pitching Game 4."

--Mark Texira, first baseman for the New York Yankees.

Listen up. The bronx bombers won the game on Wednesday night. But the pitching was great by both pitchers, A. J. Burnett and the incomparable Pedro Martinez.38 and a player who has lost a few miles on his fastball, Martinez seems to have gained tons of wisdom on how to pitch. He especially acquitted himself well. He threw 87 and 88 miles an hour fastballs inside and curves and sliders outside. He kept the hitters off balance for 7 innings.

Tonight, it will be a question of whether starter Joe Blanton can keep the Yankees heavy hitters-- Texira, Rodriguez, and Posada-- off balance and therefore unable to hit the ball out of the park. Blanton started Game 4 against Tampa Bay last year and combined with four relievers on a five-hitter in a 10-2 win that gave the Phillies a 3-1 Series lead. He homered off Edwin Jackson in that game, the first Series home run by a pitcher since Oakland's Ken Holtzman in 1974. Blanton was 12-8 with a 4.05 ERA this season.

Another question is whether the bullpen will hold up. Surely, Blanton won't go t00 long. The Yankees have a history of getting to him early.

Go, Phillies!

Friday, October 30, 2009


"Some, including leaders of the Bush administration, were making the case that the Taliban was directly implicated in the attacks since it had provided al-Qaida with a safe haven to plan the events of 9/11. It had yet to be proved that the Taliban was a witting host, however. As a student of the region, I believed that the United States would do well to use tribal concepts of honor to isolate and disenfranchise bin Laden and his Arab outsiders from their Taliban host. If the United States, working through the offices of the Pakistani intelligence services, could convince the Taliban that its hospitality had been abused by al-Qaida-in that the murder of innocents had been committed while under its protection-then Afghan tribal custom and honor and, even more important to the fundamentalist Taliban, Islamic law, dictated that the Taliban revoke the protections and privileges afforded bin Laden and al-Qaida."
--Scott Ritter

Listen up. The Daddy has told you about Scott Ritter. When he lays it down, you can pick up and take it to the bank. Ritter is a former weapons inspector for the United Nations from 1991 to 1998.

Wilkipedia put it this way: "Ritter is known for his role as a chief
United Nations weapons inspector in Iraq from 1991 to 1998, and later for his criticism of United States foreign policy in the Middle East. Prior to the U.S. invasion of Iraq in March 2003, Ritter publicly argued that Iraq possessed no significant weapons of mass destruction (WMDs). He became a popular anti-war figure and talk show commentator as a result of his stance."

Now, Ritter is speaking out against our presence in Afghanistan. Every word he lays down is true, as far as The Daddy is concerned. Check him out:

Posted on Oct 29, 2009
AP / David Guttenfelder

U.S. Marines walk through the sand inside Camp Leatherneck in Afghanistan’s Helmand province

By Scott Ritter

There is a curious phenomenon taking place in the American media at the moment: the lionization of Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the American military commander in Afghanistan. Although he has taken a few lumps for playing politics with the White House, McChrystal has generally been sold to the American public as a “Zen warrior,” a counterinsurgency genius who, if simply left to his own devices, will be able to radically transform the ongoing debacle that is Afghanistan into a noble victory that will rank as one of the greatest political and military triumphs of modern history. McChrystal’s resume and persona (a former commander of America’s special operations forces, a tireless athlete and a scholar) have been breathlessly celebrated in several interviews and articles. Reporters depict him as an ascetic soldier who spouts words of wisdom to rival Confucius, Jesus and Muhammad.

The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff sent Gen. McChrystal to “fix” the war in Afghanistan in the way that his boss, that earlier military prophet Gen. David Petraeus, “fixed” Iraq. Whether by accident or design, McChrystal’s mission became a cause célèbre of sorts for an American media starved for good news, even if entirely fabricated, coming out of Afghanistan. One must remember that the general has accomplished little of note during his short tenure to date as the military commander in Afghanistan. His entire reputation is built around the potential to turn things around in Afghanistan. And to do this, McChrystal has said he needs time, and 40,000-plus additional American troops. There are currently around 68,000 U.S. troops in Afghanistan. McChrystal’s request would raise that number to around 110,000 troops – the same number as the Soviets had deployed in Afghanistan at the height of their failed military adventure some 20 years ago.

McChrystal, or more accurately, his staff, has authored a not-so-secret report that outlines the reasoning behind this massive increase in American military involvement in Afghanistan. Rightly noting that the American-led effort is currently failing, McChrystal argues that only a massive infusion of U.S. troops, and a corresponding “surge” of American civilians, can achieve the stability necessary to transform Afghanistan from the failed state it is today. A viable nation capable of self-government, the new Afghanistan could maintain internal security so that terrorist organizations like al-Qaida will not be able to take root, flourish and once again threaten American security from the sanctuary of a lawless land. This concept certainly looks good on paper and plays well in the editorial section. And why shouldn’t it? It touches on all the romantic notions of America as liberator and defender of the oppressed. The problem is that the assumptions made in the McChrystal report are so far removed from reality as to be ludicrous.

McChrystal operates under the illusion that American military power can provide a shield from behind which Afghanistan can remake itself into a viable modern society. He has deluded himself and others into believing that the people of Afghanistan want to be part of such a grand social experiment, and furthermore that they will tolerate the United States being in charge. The reality of Afghan history, culture and society argue otherwise. The Taliban, once a defeated entity in the months following the initial American military incursion into Afghanistan, are resurgent and growing stronger every day. The principle source of the Taliban’s popularity is the resentment of the Afghan people toward the American occupation and the corrupt proxy government of Hamid Karzai. There is nothing an additional 40,000 American troops will be able to do to change that basic equation. The Soviets tried and failed. They deployed 110,000 troops, operating on less restrictive lines of communication and logistical supply than the United States. They built an Afghan army of some 45,000 troops. They operated without the constraints of American rules of engagement. They slaughtered around a million Afghans. And they lost, for the simple reason that the people of Afghanistan did not want them, or their Afghan proxies.

To read the full article, click here:

Thursday, October 29, 2009


"You've got to go out there and think you're going to get everybody out, and think you can. I definitely do that. I try not to go over the edge and rub things in and be cocky, but I definitely have confidence, there's no doubt about that." --Cliff Lee , Philly hurler who won first games of the series for the Philadelphia Phillies

Listen up. The folks in Las Vegas say the talented but over-paid New York Yankees will defeat the Philadelphia Phillies and win the 2009 world series. Well, they may, but Philly ace Cliff Lee defeated the big bad Yankees 6-1 in the first game of the series last night. Responding to a reporter's suggestion that Philly ace Lee upstaged his ace C.C. Sabathia, New York's manager Joe Girardi said, "One thing is he can't pitch every day." This was an indirect way of saying the highly-paid Yankees can't beat Lee, who may pitch game 4 of the series.

Meanwhile, the Yankees are confident that they can beat Philly's second starter Pedro Martinez, who, at age 38, has seen his fast ball slow from a blazing 95 miles hour to an 87 miles per hour crawl. But Martinez, who loves the spotlight, believes he can help his team by pinpointing his fast ball inside and throwing curves and sliders at different speeds outside to keep the bronx boys off balance and off the bases.

Listen, The Daddy admits that he hates the Yankees ownership and management, guys with deep pockets and egos the size of Mount Everest, guys who consistently buy off the best players on the market, leaving the teams in smaller markets like Milwaukee, Pittsburgh and Minnesota to sulk and cry like a baby lying in a fetal position wailing for his momma.

How arrogant and egotistical are they? So arrogant and egotistical that they believe that they should be in the world series every year. So arrogant and egotistical that they believe that, if they don't win the world series each year, then the entire baseball season was a failure.

Above all else, the Yankee's deep pockets (which makes professional baseball unequal and unjust) and their unrepentant arrogance is why a brotha is hoping that Martinez will hold down the Yankees for six innings, the Phillie's relievers will quiet their bats the rest of the way, and long ball hitters Jayson Werth, Chase Utley and
Ryan Howard will blast a few long ones, giving the people from the city of brotherly love a reason to hug and cheer again.

But whatever happens tonight, the Phillies have assured themselves of winning at least once and taken over the home-field advantage. And remember: in the last 2 years the Phillies are 11-1 at home in the postseason.

Go Phillies! Go Pedro Martinez!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Listen up. The Daddy received an email the other day from a friend. In it she said only, "Love this guy!" And just those few words reminded a brotha of how much he loved George Carlin's wit and wisdom too. So The Daddy thought he would post one of Carlin's funniest and wisest pieces. Check it out:

On Aging - Enjoy the ride.
here is no return ticket

by George Carlin

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old
is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so
excited about aging that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and
a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key..

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the
next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're
gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony.YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound
like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now,
you're Just a sour-dumpling.. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the
brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and
your dreams are gone...

But! wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and make it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a
day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT
lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there.
Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a
little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and
height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3.Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever, even ham radio.. Never let the brain idle.. 'An idle mind is
the devil's workshop.' And the devil's family name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6.... The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person,
who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it.. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity..

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do
share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each

Life's journey is not to
arrive at the grave safely
in a well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways,
totally worn out, shouting
'..holy sh*t ....what a ride!'

Do you remember George Carlin, the funny comedian filled with so much wisdom?

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Philly fans are great. Everybody complains about them being the meanest. That may be true. But, at the same time, they're great because it does get you into the game...They love their teams. I can respect that about them. They know their sports and they love their teams and they come out and support them every week, good or bad."
--Michael Strahan, former standout defensive for the New York Giants

Listen up. The Daddy is feeling the Philadelphia
Phillie's, the present world champions of major league bill, the team that represents the 2009 season against the American league's representative, the New York Yankees.

The Daddy loves these guys! Why? First, they are very talented. Second, they can beat you in so many different ways. It's like, "How do you want your ass-kicking tonight? Jimmie Rollins racing around the bases, smashing into your catcher, running your team into the ground or Ryan Howard and Jayson Werth getting it over quickly with high, deep blasts into the stands?"
But you wanna know the real reason a brotha is pulling for the Phillie's? Here it is:

The Daddy hates the Yankees! In fact, The Daddy hates the Yankees with a passion normally reserved for gang rapists, crooked, skirt-chasing minister and priests who play with little boys.

* The New York Yankees, with a team owner about nothing more than making money and massaging and showcasing a huge ego.

So, when a players is not playing up to what he feels is his potential, he does what manager or owner never should do: he calls him out in public, undresses him for the world to see. This is both George
Steinbrenner and his son.

* The New York Yankees, a team that represents the one basic thing that's wrong with major league baseball: financial inequity. The New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox simply use their ton loads of ready cash to jump over small markets team like the Milwaukee Brewers and Minnesota Twins and buy the best players on the market, leaving smaller clubs to go down swinging each year.

Unlike the rich, arrogant Yankees, the Phillie's have class. They play hard; they play smart; And rarely do you hear the owner, manager or player blast another team member or call a team player out in public. For example, when their closer Brad Lidge was struggling, tossing fastballs to players who hit em out of the park causing the Phillies to lose, both management and the players stuck by him, saying confident they were the old Brad Lidge would come back.

The Philadelphia Phillies are en experienced, talented and classy team. And so, like Moses, The Daddy is gonna climb to the highest mountaintop and then shout down to the hordes of unwashed masses below:


Monday, October 19, 2009


Listen up. The Daddy is concluding this series on domestic violence, but he is not finishing his work on this issue. From time to time, a brotha will write about this issue on this blog. It's too important to do otherwise.

Meanwhile, remember that there are resources for you, if you need help. Besides agencies in your local community, you can start by calling domestic violence hotlines. These are people trained to deal with domestic violence issues. They are very understanding and sympathetic. Here are a few:

1. If you or someone you know is feeling fearful about what's going on in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

2. If you suspect abuse in your daughter's relationship with her boyfriend, go to the National Violence Resource Center to get further information.

3. Regarding suspected abuse or violence in teen dating, check out the national teen hotline: Call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474, available 24/7 (1-866-331-8453 for the hearing impaired).


Domestic violence is a very complex issues. It involves culture, the way men and women were raised to interact with each other. It includes politics, the fact that men have constructed laws so that they can maintain control over women. And it also involves how people in society are reared to deal with problems. Too many Americans, men especially, have been conditioned to resolve problems through conflict. Some men have worked through this issue and no subscribe to this way of resolving problems. Others steadfastly refuse to change.

Because issues surrounding domestic violence are so deeply embedded in our culture, politics and individual construct, domestic violence will be with us for a long time. That's why it's important for parents to be armed with knowledge about domestic violence, including potential teen violence. The information is there. Parents just have to make the time to use it. Hopefully, this series helped.

This series concludes with two things: The teenage bill of rights and a list of things people can do to bring greater awareness to domestic violence by Love Is, especially during Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Dating Bill of Rights
I have a right to:

Ask for a date

Refuse a date

Suggest activities

Refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about them

Have my own feelings and be able to express them

Say, "I think my friend is wrong and his actions are inappropriate"

Tell someone not to interrupt me

Have my limits and values respected

Tell my partner when I need affection

Refuse affection

Be heard

Refuse to lend money

Refuse sex any time, for any reason

Have friends and space aside from my partner

I have the responsibility to:

Determine my limits and values

Respect the limits of others

Communicate clearly and honestly

Not violate the limits of others

Ask for help when I need it

Be considerate

Check my actions and decisions to determine whether they are good or bad for me

Set high goals for myself

Some great ideas to make people aware of Domestic Violence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and there are a ton of ways you can support the cause. We put together a list of cool things you can do this month to help spread awareness.
  • Put a purple ribbon up as your facebook/twitter/myspace profile pic to show your support for ending domestic violence.
  • Post a link on your profiles to to spread healthy dating awareness and let your friends know about the awesome resources we have if they ever need help.
  • Send anti-dating violence awareness mass texts to your friends.
  • Organize an anti-dating violence rally at your school.
  • Submit an article on teen dating violence awareness to your school newspaper.
  • Write a letter to get a Teen Dating Abuse curriculum in your school; has great info on the steps you need to take.
  • Create an anti-dating violence PSA and post it to your YouTube account.
  • Print out our Teen Dating Bill of Rights and post it around school (with permission from school officials).
  • Print out our quiz cards and hand them out at local events.
  • Create a LOVE Mashup and send it to your friends to promote healthy dating habits.
  • Create a project for It’s Time to Talk Day. is offering $250 Grants for your projects. Click here for more info.
  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Note: photo is from the blog

Sunday, October 18, 2009


Listen up. Because it's Domestic Violence Awareness Month, The Daddy has been posting articles to provide parents and teens more information and resources on this issue. The Daddy found this wonderful site on teen dating It's called "What's your relationship reality?" It provides facts about teen dating, it gives warning signs of abuse, and it advises girls to share with their friends about abuse. Don't sweep abuse under the carpet. Check it out.


  • 1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
  • One-third of teen girls say they have been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner.
  • In an abusive relationship, one person typically uses POWER and CONTROL to gain the upper hand physically, emotionally, and/or sexually over their partner.
  • One-quarter of teens who have been in serious relationships say their boyfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family.
  • Nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure.
  • Learning healthy relationship skills greatly reduces your risk of violence with other teens.


Not sure if you are in an unhealthy relationship? Take a step back and ask yourself: Does your boyfriend or girlfriend...

  • Pressure you to make the relationship very serious or have sex early in the relationship?
  • Act jealous or possessive?
  • Try to control where you go, what you wear, or what you do?
  • Text or IM you constantly?
  • Refuse to consider your point of view or desires?
  • Keep you from talking to or spending time with close friends or family?
  • Drink too much or use drugs and then blame the alcohol and drugs for his/her behavior?
  • Threaten to hurt you or themselves if you leave them?

If your boyfriend/girlfriend has said or done something that seemed like a red flag, it probably was. It could become, or may already be, abusive. Always remember: You have every right to say no! No boyfriend or girlfriend has the right to treat you with anything other than respect.


In some cases, teens feel more comfortable confiding in a friend than they would with a parent or other adult. However, it's not always easy for them to come to you. So if you suspect that they are in an abusive relationship, here are some things to consider. Does your friend...

  • Constantly cancel plans for reasons that don't sound true?
  • Always worry about making their boyfriend/girlfriend angry?
  • Give up things that are important?
  • Show signs of physical abuse, like bruises or cuts?
  • Have a boyfriend/girlfriend that wants them to be available all the time?
  • Become isolated from friends or family?

If you think a friend might be in an abusive relationship, try taking an indirect approach to help them open up. Here are some suggestions:

  • "You don't seem as happy as usual -- are you okay?"
  • "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

But if you think your friend is in serious danger, tell an adult you trust immediately. Do not try to handle the situation on your own.

For more information, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline webpage at

Also be sure to check out the rest of our What's Your Relationship Reality? section for information on healthy relationships.


Another site on teen dating The Daddy found to be helpful was the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ACADA). In plain terms, it talks about how teen violence is often hidden, often has to do with the way teenagers see each other, how young boys may believe that they have the responsibility of controlling the relationship, early warning signs of abuse. There is plenty info for dealing with teen violence on this site: Check this one out.


Teenagers often experience violence in dating relationships. Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship. In dating violence, one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other through abuse. Dating violence crosses all racial, economic and social lines. Most victims are young women, who are also at greater risk for serious injury. Young women need a dating safety plan.

This site also contains a "Bill of Rights" for teens:

Dating Bill of Rights
I have a right to:

Ask for a date

Refuse a date

Suggest activities

Refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about them

Have my own feelings and be able to express them

Say, "I think my friend is wrong and his actions are inappropriate"

Tell someone not to interrupt me

Have my limits and values respected

Tell my partner when I need affection

Refuse affection

Be heard

Refuse to lend money

Refuse sex any time, for any reason

Have friends and space aside from my partner

I have the responsibility to:

Determine my limits and values

Respect the limits of others

Communicate clearly and honestly

Not violate the limits of others

Ask for help when I need it

Be considerate

Check my actions and decisions to determine whether they are good or bad for me

Set high goals for myself

From the Domestic Violence Advocacy Program of Family Resources, Inc.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


"I am committed to this fight. This is a national conversation. It is a sad commentary that it takes capturing a death on video to capture the attention of the country. We can use this moment to go forward together. This is a line in the sand. ... No one gets a pass."
--Arne Duncan, U.S. Education Secretary
"For the many Americans who live with the threat of violence every day, the video was a sad reminder of the harshness and cruelty that remains all too prevalent in many parts of this country. For me, it was a call to action to address, a challenge that affects the entire nation."
--Eric Holder, U. S. Attorney General

Listen up. An important topic in families that's often not discussed is youth violence, especially violence teen dating violence. The Daddy will do a post on violence by teens. But to better understand violence in teen dating, parents need to be armed with more knowledge about violence by youth in general.

Toward this end, The Daddy is going to provide some information parents need to know. It comes from the U.S. Surgeon General entitled, "Youth Violence: A Report by the Surgeon General." This report is important. It identifies certain myths about violence, including myths about African American And Latinos. It also talks about how youth get involved in violence ("Pathways to Youth Violence"), the risk of youth violence and how to protect your children ("Risk and protective factors") and how to prevent youth violence.

In addition, a brotha is going to provide additional resources about youth violence that comes from Youth Violence Prevention, a great resource on health issues. It includes resources to give you the knowledge to prevent violence.

But first, here's the info from the Surgeon General. It will be followed by info from the agency Youth Violence Prevention:

General Information

  • Youth Violence: A Report of the Surgeon General
    This Surgeon General's report seeks to focus on action steps that all Americans can take to help address the problem of youth violence, and continue to build a legacy of health and safety for our young people and the Nation as a whole.
  • Youth Violence Prevention
    This website provides information on youth violence prevention from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
  • CDC Program Activities Guide
    This guide describes CDC’s public health activities and research to prevent youth violence.
  • Prevent Youth Violence
    This website provides information on preventing youth violence from the U.S. Department of Justice.
  • Urban Networks to Increase Thriving Youth Through Violence Prevention (UNITY)
    The goal of UNITY is to support cities in preventing violence before it occurs and to help sustain these efforts.
  • National Academic Centers of Excellence (ACEs) on Youth Violence Prevention
    The Academic Centers of Excellence, or ACEs, bring together resources and experts from varied backgrounds to study youth violence issues, share solutions, and work with communities to prevent youth violence.
  • The Action Series
    To help communities that are concerned about youth violence take action, SAMHSA supports many local initiatives. This action series is intended to further their efforts. Here are the questions that each pamphlet answers.
    • Action 1: Preventing Youth Violence: Communities Take Action. – What are the core concepts in youth violence prevention? Is my community ready for a youth violence intervention? How do we create a strategic plan?
    • Action 2: Getting Together: Ideas For Effective Collaborations. – What are the characteristics and types of collaborations? How do we form a collaboration and work as a team?
    • Action 3: Changing Lives: The Right Program Makes A Difference. – What are the best practices and model programs in youth violence prevention? How do we select and adapt programs and ensure the appropriate mix of human and material resources for successful implementation?
    • Action 4: Evaluation: Did You Do It? Did It Matter? – What are the critical building blocks of evaluation? How do we assess our collaboration and our prevention intervention?
    • Action 5: Keeping It All Together: Ideas for Sustaining Your Initiative. – How do we sustain our collaboration and interventions? How do establishing effective collaborations and carefully choosing and implementing appropriate programs help lead to sustainability?

Best Practices and Effective Programs

  • Best Practices of Youth Violence Prevention: A Sourcebook for Community Action
    This publication examines the effectiveness of specific violence prevention practices in four key areas: parents and families, home visiting, social and conflict resolution skills, and mentoring. It also documents the science behind each best practice and offers a comprehensive directory of resources for more information about programs that have used these practices.
  • Blueprints for Violence Prevention
    Blueprints for Violence Prevention is a national violence prevention initiative to identify violence prevention programs that are effective. The initiative has identified prevention and intervention programs that meet a strict scientific standard of program effectiveness.
  • OJJDP Model Programs Guide
    The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention's Model Programs Guide (MPG) is designed to assist practitioners and communities in implementing evidence-based prevention and intervention programs that can make a difference in the lives of children and communities. The MPG database of evidence-based programs covers the entire continuum of youth services from prevention through sanctions to reentry.
  • OJP Promising and Proven Programs on Youth Violence Prevention
    List of promising and proven programs on youth violence prevention provided by the Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice.
  • SAMHSA National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices (NREPP)
    NREPP is a searchable database of interventions for the prevention and treatment of mental and substance use disorders. The SAMHSA Model Programs have been tested in communities, schools, social service organizations, and workplaces across America; many of these model programs show a reduction in substance abuse and other related high-risk behaviors.
  • SAMHSA Guide to Evidence-Based Practices on the Web
    The Web Guide—a component of SAMHSA's Science and Service Initiative—is a Web page to assist the public in identifying evidence-based programs and practices that can prevent and/or treat mental and substance use disorders.

Tools for Taking Action

  • Mobilizing for Action through Planning and Partnerships (MAPP)
    MAPP is a community-driven strategic planning tool for improving community health. This tool helps communities apply strategic thinking to prioritize public health issues and identify resources for addressing them.
  • The Community Toolbox
    The Community Tool Box is the world’s largest resource for free information on essential skills for building healthy communities. It offers over 7,000 pages of practical guidance in creating change and improvement.

Statistics & Data on Youth Violence

This section provides statistics on youth violence and related topics. Information is presented in the following subsections:

Selected Recent Publications and Data Briefs
Demographic Data
Data on Youth Risk Behaviors
Youth Violence Data by Topic
Interactive Data Tools
Geographic Information Systems (GIS) Tools
Raw Data/Datasets

Selected Recent Publications and Data Briefs

This subsection provides links to selected publications and briefs that include data relating to youth violence and related topics released or published within the past 12 months.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. "
- Leo Buscaglia

Listen up. The Daddy was emailed and asked about the laws related to prosecuting a domestic violent perpetrator. The Daddy has to admit he is not familiar with the laws in detail. But here's a post by eHow that gives the basic history of the definition, punishment, therapy and protection related to dealing with the domestic violence perpetrator.

Also, remember: there are different laws in different states. Some are very complex. But this piece will give you a basic idea of the process that law enforcement uses in dealing with domestic violent perpetrators and the most important law in domestic violence: Violent Against Women Act (VAWA), landmark legislation in dealing with the issue. Check it out.

Spousal Abuse Laws

By Mike Broemmel
eHow Contributing Writer

Spousal Abuse Laws
Spousal Abuse Laws

Spousal abuse or domestic violence laws are designed to serve three primary and essential purposes.

First, these statutes are created to penalize appropriately those individuals who are guilty of committing crimes of spousal abuse.

Second, spousal abuse laws include provisions designed to require an offender to participate in therapeutic programming in hopes of preventing a re-occurrence of this crime.

Finally, spousal abuse laws are drafted with a component intended to provide at least some protection to the victim from further assault by the offender.

Additional Notes from The Daddy:

The most import law is The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), which was developed and passed through the hard work of Sheila Wellstone, the late wife of senator Paul Wellstone. Both died in an airplane crash in 2002, I believe. Initially passed in 1994 VAWA created the the first federal legislation acknowledging domestic violence and sexual assaults as crimes, and it provided funding resources to combat this violence.

It provided the first federal legislation to provide federal resources to for community responses to combating the violence. In 2ooo, in enhanced the foundation it created with a much-needed legal assistance program. It also expanded the domestic against women by covering dating violence and stalking.

The reauthorizes VAWA of 2oo5 took a broader approach and covered other areas of domestic violence, including the following:
  • developing prevention strategies to stop the violence before it starts,
  • protecting individuals from unfair eviction due to their status as victims of domestic violence or stalking,/LI>
  • creating the first federal funding stream to support rape crisis centers,
  • developing culturally- and linguistically-specific services for communities,
  • enhancing programs and services for victims with disabilities, and
  • broadening VAWA service provisions to include children and teens.
The development of the VAWA, the reauthorization of the act to deal more broadly with domestic violence-related issues demonstrate that the federal government recognizes how devastating the problem is to American families of all classes, ethnicities, genders, even age groups.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


In a 1998 study by the University of Pennsylvania's Annenberg School for Communication, 64.8% of the 405 African Americans called viewed domestic violence as one of the most serious issues facing their community.

In the same study, 42.9% of the 405 African American respondents said that they had strong reason to believe that a woman they knew had been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year.

Approximately one in three African American women are abused by a husband or partner in the course of a lifetime. (Department of Justice, "The extent, nature and consequence of intimate partner violence." 2000).

Of the women who die from domestic violence, 28% are African American. FBI supplementary homicide reports, 1976-1999).

"Every abusive relationship starts with a first offense. As someone who has worked at a women's shelter, I cannot tell you how many women, if they'd just walked away after that first incident, we wouldn't have ever had to see there. This is how people end up in abusive relationships that last for years. They forgive that first act of violence."
--Carolyn Hay, columnist for the Washington Post

Listen up. A couple of days ago, The Daddy posted a piece about domestic violence: what it is, what are the signs of abuse. Yesterday, The Daddy posted a piece that talked about the signs of abuse: How do you know you're in an abusive relationship, what are the types of abuse. Today, The Daddy may be wondering, "What kind of dude hits on a woman? What kind of dude intimidates her to get his way? What kind of dude will kill someone he loves because he is not getting the control he wants?

A brotha checked out The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ADADV) and got him some knowledge on. In very concise form, the piece talks about what male abusers do and the characteristics of a potential abuser. Check it out:

Why Do Abusers Batter?

Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling and coercive conduct that serves to deprive victims of safety and autonomy. Perpetrators believe they are entitled to power and control over their partners and perceive all interactions within relationships through a prism of compliance or disobedience. Perpetrators use abusive tactics to reinforce their rules and maintain absolute control over their victims.

Perpetrators come from all races, religions, socioeconomic classes, areas of the world, educational levels and occupations.

They often appear charming and attentive to outsiders, and even to their partners, at first. Many perpetrators are very good at disguising their abusive behavior to appear socially acceptable. Once they develop a relationship with a partner however, they become more and more abusive.

Domestic violence perpetrators:

  • seek control of the thoughts, beliefs and conduct of their partner.
  • restrict all of the victim’s rights and freedoms
  • punish their partner for breaking their rules or challenging the perpetrator’s authority
Men who batter:
  • minimize the seriousness of their violence
  • believe they are entitled control their partner
  • use anger, alcohol/drug use, and stress as excuses for their abusive behaviors
  • blame the victim for the violence
A batterer covers up his violence by denying, minimizing, and blaming the victim. He often convinces his partner that the abuse is less serious than it is, or that it is her fault. He may tell her that "if only" she had acted differently, he wouldn't have abused her. Sometimes he will say, "You made me do it."

Victims of abuse do not cause violence. The batterer is responsible for every act of abuse committed.

Domestic violence is a learned behavior. It is learned through:

  • observation.
  • experience.
  • culture.
  • family.
  • community (peer group, school, etc.).

Abuse is not caused by:

  • mental illness.
  • Personality disorders, mental illness, and other problems may compound domestic violence, but the abusive behavior must be addressed separately.
  • genetics.
  • alcohol and drugs.
  • Many men blame their violence on the effects of drug and alcohol use. Alcohol abuse is present in about 50 percent of battering relationships. Research shows that alcohol and other drug abuse is commonly a symptom of an abusive personality, not the cause. Men often blame their intoxication for the abuse, or use it as an excuse to use violence. Regardless, it is an excuse, not a cause. Taking away the alcohol, does not stop the abuse.

    Substance abuse must be treated before or in conjunction with domestic violence treatment programs.

  • out-of-control behavior.
  • anger.
  • stress.
  • behavior of the victim.
  • problems in the relationship.
A batterer abuses because he wants to, and thinks he has a "right" to his behavior. He may think he is superior to his partner and is entitled to use whatever means necessary to control her.

Some ways batterers deny and minimize their violence:

  • "I hit the wall, not her head."
  • "She bruises easily."
  • "She just fell down the steps."
  • "Her face got in the way of my fist."

Characteristics of a Potential Batterer
  • Jealousy
  • Controlling behavior
  • Quick involvement
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Isolation of victim
  • Blames others for his problems
  • Blames others for his feelings
  • Hypersensitivity
  • Cruelty to animals or children
  • "Playful" use of force during sex
  • Verbal abuse
  • Rigid sex roles
  • Jekyll and Hyde type personality
  • History of past battering
  • Threats of violence
  • Breaking or striking objects
  • Any force during an argument
  • Objectification of women
  • Tight control over finances
  • Minimization of the violence
  • Manipulation through guilt
  • Extreme highs and lows
  • Expects her to follow his orders
  • Frightening rage
  • Use of physical force
  • Closed mindedness

Abusers often try to manipulate the "system" by:

  • Threatening to call Child Protective Services or the Department of Human Resources and making actual reports that his partner neglects or abuses the children.
  • Changing lawyers and delaying court hearings to increase his partner's financial hardship.
  • Telling everyone (friends, family, police, etc.) that she is "crazy" and making things up.
  • Using the threat of prosecution to get her to return to him.
  • Telling police she hit him, too.
  • Giving false information about the criminal justice system to confuse his partner or prevent her from acting on her own behalf.
  • Using children as leverage to get and control his victim.
Abusers may try to manipulate their partners, especially after a violent episode.

He may try to "win" her back in some of these ways:

  • Invoking sympathy from her, her family and friends.
  • Talking about his "difficult childhood".
  • Becoming overly charming, reminding her of the good times they've had.
  • Bringing romantic gifts, flowers, dinner.
  • Crying, begging for forgiveness.
  • Promising it will "never happen again."
  • Promising to get counseling, to change.
Abuse gets worse and more frequent over time

Perpetrator Intervention Programs For Abusers

Abusers can enter voluntarily or be court ordered to Perpetrator Intervention Programs. It is important to note that there are no guarantees that he will change his violent behavior. He is the only one that can make the decision--and commitment--to change.

In Alabama, there are certification guidelines for perpetrator intervention programs. Certified programs have completed a standards review process to ensure they meet guidelines. You can contact the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence for information on these standards, (334) 832-4842.

An intervention program should include these factors:

  • Victim's safety is the priority.
  • Meets minimum standards for weekly sessions (16 weeks).
  • Holds him accountable.
  • Curriculum addresses the root of his problem.
  • Makes no demand on the victim to participate.
  • Is open to input from the victim.

What programs teach:

  • Education about domestic violence.
  • Changing attitudes and beliefs about using violence in a relationship.
  • Achieving equality in relationships.
  • Community participation.
In the program, an abuser should become aware of his pattern of violence and learn techniques for maintaining nonviolent behavior, such as "time outs" "buddy" phone calls, support groups, relaxation techniques, and exercise.

Click here for locations and details about Alabama's Perpetrator Intervention Programs

How do you know if he is really changing?

Positive signs include:

  • He has stopped being violent or threatening to you or others
  • He acknowledges that his abusive behavior is wrong
  • He understands that he does not have the right to control and dominate you
  • You don't feel afraid when you are with him.
  • He does not coerce or force you to have sex.
  • You can express anger toward him without feeling intimidated.
  • He does not make you feel responsible for his anger or frustration.
  • He respects your opinion even if he doesn't agree with it.
  • He respects your right to say "no."

Am I safe while he is in the program?

For your own safety and your children's safety, watch for these signs that indicate problems while he is in the program:

  • Tries to find you if you've left.
  • Tries to get you to come back to him.
  • Tries to take away the children.
  • Stalks you.
If you feel you are in danger, contact the Alabama Domestic Violence crisis line.

Six Big Lies

If you hear your partner making these statements while he is in a treatment program for abusers, you should understand that he is lying to himself, and to you.

  • "I'm not the only one who needs counseling."
  • "I'm not as bad as a lot of other guys in there."
  • "As soon as I'm done with this program, I'll be cured."
  • "We need to stay together to work this out."
  • "If I weren't under so much stress, I wouldn't have such a short fuse."
  • "Now that I'm in this program, you have to be more understanding."

Couples' Counseling does NOT work in violent relationships!

If you are struggling with a relationship, some people may advise you to get marriage counseling, or couples' counseling. While this can be good advice in some relationships, it is NOT good for couples where there is violence. In fact, in many cases, couples' counseling has increased the violence in the home.

Couples' counseling does not work because:

  • Couples' counseling places the responsibility for change on both partners.
  • Domestic violence is the sole responsibility of the abuser.
  • Couples' counseling works best when both people are truthful.
  • Individuals who are abusive to their partners minimize, deny and blame, and therefore are not truthful in counseling.
  • Couples resolve problems in counseling by talking about problems.
  • His abuse is not a couple problem, it is his problem. He needs to work on it in a specialized program for abusers.
    A victim who is being abused in a relationship is in a dangerous position in couple's counseling. If she tells the counselor about the abuse, she is likely to suffer more abuse when she gets home. If she does not tell, nothing can be accomplished.

If you think you will benefit from joint counseling, go AFTER he successfully completes a batterer's intervention program and is no longer violent.

Red Flags Of Abuse
You may be involved with a perpetrator if any of the following "red flags" exist in the relationship:

  • Quick involvement- the perpetrator pushes for a commitment or major event to occur very early in the relationship.
  • Isolation –the perpetrator begins asking you to spend less time with your friends and family and more time with him. You end up no longer maintaining close relationships with friends or family members.
  • Suggestions for change- the perpetrator has lots of suggestions on how you can improve your appearance, behavior etc. You begin to make changes solely based on these suggestions.
  • Controlling behaviors- the perpetrator influences your decisions on hobbies, activities, dress, friends, daily routines etc. You begin to make fewer and fewer decisions without the perpetrator’s opinion or influence.
  • Information gathering and pop-ins – the perpetrator wants to know the specific details of your day and rarely leaves you alone when you are not with him, such as when you are at work or out with friends.
  • Any forms of abuse – the perpetrator may use name calling, intimidation, humiliation, shoving, pushing or other forms of abuse to get you to do whatever they want you to do.

These red flags may indicate that you are involved with a perpetrator of domestic violence. These red flags may occur early in the relationship and be explained by the perpetrator as caring or loving behaviors such as "I just check on you because I miss you" or "I just want what is best for you" or "I just want us to work on our relationship and spend more time together."

If you have concerns about your relationship or your safety please call the toll free hotline 1-800-650-6522.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


"Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks or bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return. It is estimated approximately 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States."
--Senator Diane Feinstein

Listen up. Yesterday, The Daddy posted a piece from the group on abuse. It talked about what abuse is; and it made it clear that abuse of another person is about control:

"Domestic abuse
, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you."

This piece gets more specific. It talks about the signs of abuse. Note that the piece emphasizes that physical violence is only one form of violence and talks about other types of violence. Check it out:

Signs of an abusive relationship

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior

Do you:

  • feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  • avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
  • feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
  • believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
  • wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
  • feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Does your partner:

  • humiliate or yell at you?
  • criticize you and put you down?
  • treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
  • ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
  • blame you for his own abusive behavior?
  • see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior

Does your partner:

  • have a bad and unpredictable temper?
  • hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
  • threaten to take your children away or harm them?
  • threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
  • force you to have sex?
  • destroy your belongings?

Does your partner:

  • act excessively jealous and possessive?
  • control where you go or what you do?
  • keep you from seeing your friends or family?
  • limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
  • constantly check up on you?

Physical violence is just one form of domestic abuse

When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted. But not all domestic abuse involves violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused.

Domestic abuse takes many forms, including psychological, emotional, and sexual abuse. These types of abuse are less obvious than physical abuse, but that doesn’t mean they’re not damaging. In fact, these types of domestic abuse can be even more harmful because they are so often overlooked—even by the person being abused.

Emotional or psychological abuse

The aim of emotional or psychological abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.

Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence.

You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. Furthermore, emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners at least once during their relationship. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse.

Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Furthermore, women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.

Economic or financial abuse

Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he will frequently use money to do so. Economic or financial abuse includes:

  • Rigidly controlling your finances.
  • Withholding money or credit cards.
  • Making you account for every penny you spend.
  • Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
  • Restricting you to an allowance.
  • Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
  • Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
  • Stealing from you or taking your money.

It Is Still Abuse If . . .

  • The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
  • The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.
  • The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
  • There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.

Source: Breaking the Silence: a Handbook for Victims of Violence in Nebraska (PDF)

Monday, October 12, 2009


Listen up. The Daddy just got off the phone with a friend who is dealing with an abusive husband. Besides talking with her about the abuse, The Daddy emailed her info about domestic violence. This article by was the first one. It covers the following concerns: Because this is domestic violence month, The Daddy suggests that you use the article below to learn more about this complex issue. For those of you who are aware of domestic violence, especially spousal abuse, use this article as The Daddy did to brush up on the issue. The Daddy will post other pieces later. Meanwhile, check this piece out.

Signs of an abusive relationship
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.

Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available.

Understanding domestic violence and abuse

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic violence and abuse do not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally.

Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence and even murder. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. No one deserves this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

You don’t have to live in fear

If you are afraid for your safety or have been beaten by your partner:

To read the other parts in the article, click here: