How Do You Say Thanks to a Lady That Ain't Your Lady?

"Shiatsu is a Japanese word that means “finger pressure.” The goal of Shiatsu is to restore the balance of energy in the body. Proponents of Shiatsu and acupuncture believe that disease and physical infirmities are caused by imbalances or blockages in the flow of energy through the body. This energy is called “ki” which flows through the body along meridians or energy channels. Practitioners strive for a balance between Yin (negative energy) and Yang (positive energy) and attempt to determine where there may be a build up of energy or an energy deficiency. Either will cause problems."
--The Massage Schools Guide

She squeezes gently then moves both hands up and down in long, slow strokes. She pushes and pulls on his muscles. Afterwards, he didn’t want to take a confident smoke. He wanted to find a better way to say thank you.

Her name is Leslie. She’s a certified OBT (Oriental Bodywork Therapist). She specializes in Shiatsu but knows so much more. She’s put in a lot of hours, taking a lot of classes and working in the field to bring thousands of years of medicine and wisdom from the East to the West. And the daddy is only one of many beneficiaries of her practice and most noble profession.

But he wasn’t always so appreciative. Why? First, he’s sexist. Oh, he feigns progressivism. He talks about appreciating people from all cultures, all genders, all sexual preferences. Oh, he talks about equality between the sexes. Now, he hasn’t gone as far as to say that, when he sees a woman, he doesn’t see gender, but he’s come close.

But suddenly, a woman is towering over him; a woman is dropping knowledge about subjects of which he hasn’t a clue; a woman is in charge, in control. And the daddy, former Black Muslim, former big athlete, former tough counselor of violent gangbangers, violent male perpetrators (abusers of women), and hardcore drug addicts, doesn’t know how to handle it.

Second, having been raised in violent inner-city projects, the daddy knows about violent cultures but not about peaceful ones. So, during the first treatment, he is not thinking, “Shut it down, bro, and relax” but “I’m starting to feel weak…some thug might break into the room, pistol-whip me against this massage table, take my money, and rape this kind woman who knows nothing about thugs and… and, speaking of pistols, where the fuck is my piece?”

After the treatment, Leslie told him to lie down and rest a while, but he dressed quickly and left. He didn’t like feeling weak, feeling—dare we say it? – vulnerable, feeling too weak to protect himself. So he went home. And guess what happened? He slept like a baby for 10 hours. And when he awoke? Let's just say that he didn’t feel like you do after a night of drinking 40 ounce beers-- sluggish, tired and forgetful. No, the daddy felt refreshed, clear-headed and energized.

Now, after many treatments, he must concede that he kind of likes this Shiatsu treatment and this relaxation thing. Plus, a friend of Leslie assured him that he can take Shiatsu and still be quite the “man.”

Now, the daddy tries to thank Leslie, this wise woman who drops knowledge from the East. He’s brought her apricots, her favorite fruit, and weird food from food co-ops like mushroom soup. He’s asked the brothas at the coffee shop what he should do to thank her, but that was a failure. Being from inner-city projects like him, they weren’t very helpful. One said buy her some weed. Another said she is too trusting. Therefore, buy her a gun so she can protect herself. Like the daddy, some of these guys have yet to completely leave the projects.

That's why the daddy wants to ask you: how do you say thanks to a lady who ain’t your lady, who ain’t your fam, who eats mushroom soup?