Mamma Mia! Got the Daddy Upset!

Listen up. The daddy wants to ask you something. Have you ever seen a movie and absolutely hated it? Well, the daddy just saw Mamma Mia! And it’s got him upset, it’s got him pissed, and it’s making him a little crazy!

How crazy? How pissed? So pissed he wants to play tagger and spray-paint the word FUCK on suburban mall buildings. So pissed he’s considering driving down highway 94 at breakneck speed to his favorite watering hole, gulping down a few cold ones and starting a fight. How crazy? So crazy that he is seriously considering joining the mafia to play hit-man and rub out a couple of informants ratting on the family. So crazy he is beginning to think that the coke freak psychiatrist Sigmund Freud was onto something when he said the daddy hates his mother and wants to assassinate his father for spending too much time with her.

The good

Mamma Mia! was bad overall but it had a couple of good things going for it. First, Amanda Seyfried, who played the bride-to-be, who craved her prince, acted and sang with passion and conviction. She’s got the talent and the looks. She’s going places. Second, Meryl Streep. Let’s face it: Meryl Streep is the reason the daddy went to see this chick flick. He feels she is the most talented actress or actor in the business today. The daddy’s friends knew he felt this way about Streep and used it to get him to see the movie.

“Go see it, daddy. Meryl Streep is great! You’ll love it!” Yes, Streep was great. But here’s what was bad.

The bad.

Except for Seyfried, none of the big stars could sing well. True, Streep sang one song exceptionally well, but, by and large, her singing was serviceable at best. But the men (Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan, and Stellan Skarsgard) were the worse, and none more than Pierce Brosnan. Due to his “good looks” and supposedly “charming accent,” women may have overlooked it. But to the daddy it was nothing less than straight-up embarrassment. Now, the daddy knows this musical was a raucous hit on Broadway in 2001, but all them folks could sing their asses off. Know what else was bad? The concept.

Mamma Mia! is a musical about a young woman who is going to get married. Of course she would like her father to be there to give her away but doesn’t know who her father is. After reading her mother’s old diary, she came upon three of her mother’s lovers at the time of her conception. Now get this: to figure out which one is really her dad and to have her daddy give her away, she invites all three of her mother’s former lovers from 20 years ago to the wedding! Do I need to comment any further on this vapid idea? But are you ready for the ugly?

The ugly.

Are you ready for what got the daddy thinking about writing the word fuck on suburban walls, becoming a hit-man for the mafia, starting fights at a bar and thinking that coke freak Freud was starting to make some sense after all? One word: Abba.

What my friends pushing me to see this movie selectively left out was that these mostly badly singing actors and actresses would be singing over-rated commercial music with no soul whatsoever. Now, don't get it twisted. The daddy likes all kinds of music: the raw social poetry of hip hop, the songwriting in country, the guitars in heavy metal, the excitement in rock (the Beatles, U2), the soul in R&B, the spirituality of classic jazz, the social history of blues, and the exquisite beauty of classical music. But Abba is as bland as mashed potatoes without butter or sour cream or instant grits without butter and Louisiana Red Hot Sauce. In its lack of soul, passion and conviction, Abba rivals the phony jazz of Kenny G or the elevator music in the cheapest “hotels” in Vegas. Why, even McDonalds or Wal Mart may have rejected Abba as background music for its customers. No, when it comes to music, the daddy must have music with feeling, passion, and soul.

And that's why the daddy is still feeling upset and a little crazy: he put up with 2 hours of sorry, soul-less music, hoping it would get better, all to no avail. Okay, the daddy just got into the car and put on Miles Davis' CD "Kind of Blue." No, he probably won't go flying down the highway to the nearest bar to have a few and to start a fight. But if he runs into a member of Abba's band, he doesn't know what he might do. All bets are off.

Have you seen a movie lately and absolutely hated it?