Hello. Come on in. The daddy writes about current events, literature, music and, once in a while, drops something on you from back in the day to make you pause and ponder, stop and stare, and begin to wonder. Who knows? You may start to pace the floor, shake your head from side to side, then fall down on bended knees in a praying position and cry, "Lawd, have mercy! What is this world coming to?" Check yourself! But this blog is NOT about the daddy. It's about you: your boos, your fam, your hood, your country...our hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow. So let's make a pact: the daddy will put it on the track if you'll chase it down and hit him back. Together, we can definitely take it to another level. Shall we?"

Saturday, June 20, 2009

If your father was absent, were you able to forgive?

Listen up. The Prez wrote a heartening Father's Day message speaking to the critical need of fathers in families: how he missed his absent father when he was growing up, and why he is determined to be their for his two girls and wife Michelle.

Well, what about girls in the family? Do they miss their absent fathers as well? If so, are they able to forgive them later on for not being there?

The Daddy was reading an on-line magazine called The Black Voice; and he came across an article about Ledisi, an artist who, like Barack, also missed her absent father when she was growing up. Fortunately, she was able to forgive him and became a better person for it. This is a wonderful Father Day story. Check it out:

Ledisi: Free After Finding Father & Forgiving Him

Father's Day is here and I am more than grateful about reconnecting and having my father in my life, especially considering all the things I went through to find him. You see, I didn't grow up with my father around, like so many others. Mom and Dad parted ways when I was a baby and years later I was playing to a sold out crowd in Amsterdam when I asked if the local DJ had heard of someone named Larry Saunders, also known as "The Prophet Of Soul." That's who I knew my biological father to be – only by name. After the show, a copy of an old album was handed to me. I didn't get the chance to listen to it until I made it back to the States. So there I was on mom's living room floor listening to his voice and seeing his photo for the first time. I'll never forget listening to Daddy's music and what she told me about how they met and why Daddy wrote the songs he did. I tell you, I finally saw and heard the other side of me. I then called the guy that owns Daddy's music and he gave me his lawyer's information. That was the hardest phone call ever. I contacted the lawyer and he told me to send whatever I wanted to him. It was the coldest conversation ever. I sent Daddy all of my music and a letter telling him that I forgive him and I didn't want anything from him. I just wanted him to know that I am keeping with family tradition and moving forward with where he left off.

He didn't call for months and by this time, I had moved to New York City.
I was giving up on the music business and took a chance on Broadway. I was cast to star in a phenomenal show about change, 'Caroline, Or Change.' Little did I know that it was about to happen to me.

For the rest of the story, click here.

Was your father absent a lot when you were growing up? If so, were you able to forgive him?


Somebodies Friend said...

Very real and touching post McDaddy. I grew up without my father also, so I can totally relate.

Today I live in the spirit of forgiveness, because I realize that no matter how difficult life is, everything happens for a reason.

I have found out that lifes hardest lessons have made me the strong person that I have become.

Most peaple that have always had everything they ever wanted don't know how to handle life, and they definitely don't know how to forgive.

They are weak, and self centered, at least the ones I have encountered, and I have encountered a few.

They are weak because they don't have God in their lives, and they don't have God in their lives because they "believe" that they have everything they could ever want. It takes one to go through some real hardship, and some real pain, to find God, and then to live in the spirit of forgiveness.

Blessings Brother!

MacDaddy said...

Somebody: You speak like a very wise man. Blessings.

Lola Gets said...

My father was not only absent from my life when I was growing up, I actually had to take steps to leave his life because of the abuse his wife was heaping on me. Hes back in my life now, but not completely, because he doesnt have the capacity to do so.

My relationship with my father is one fraught with contention and its one I am planning on writing about, but I dont. Im too busy trying to work myself OUT of a depression...thinking about our crappy relationship wouldnt help at all.


MacDaddy said...

Lolagets: What you went through was terrible; and it sounds like, in some ways, it's still with you. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this: Minister, priest, therapist, best friend, etc.

I also hope you know that what you went through and are still going through happens to many people. You are not some isolated case. You are a human being who survived a terrible family situation and, I hope, is coming out on the other side, the side of wisdom and grace. i'm pulling for you. Please come again. Blessings.

givepeace05401 said...

Last year my mother called to say she bumped into my father and he asked for my phone number. It is important to note that I am forty-nine years old and I haven’t seen nor heard from him since I was three. My great grandmother (mother’s side) lived around the corner from his father (my grandfather) my entire life and I spent many summers in the company of my grandfather. The family house was also where my mother lived when she met my father.

When my mother asked if she could give him my number, without thought or feeling I said “no”. I don’t know why I said no, except out of indifference. Now, a few years later and after speaking with a good friend who is a father, I am going to ask my mother for his number. Why now?

. I am more interested in getting to know his other children, than I am about him and his life.

. My friend reminded me that often there are two sides to a story.

I still can’t help wondering why he didn’t ask my mother to give me his number and for me to call when I am ready. I guess I have watched too many made for TV movies.

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Hey, MacDaddy! Hope all is well in your neck of the woods. I was blessed to have an awesome dad, but my heart goes out to those who've had less than no or desirable relationships with theirs. Dads shape lives just as much as moms. I'm glad this is one issue I have had to deal with.

MacDaddy said...

CurvyGurl: Thanks. The Daddy misses you and your insights. Hope to hear more from you. And I'll be visiting you too. Blessings.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

I watched my wife's live become so much better after she forgave her father.

MacDaddy said...

Sagacious: Wonderful. Will she be seeing or phoning him today?

Nun in the Hood said...

Dear Mac Daddy,
I am guessing that YOU have been a Daddy to lots of young people in your, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO YOU! You have nurtured countless hundreds of us on your blog, let alone in your writing, AND in your work with gangs and with families....SOOOOO, have a good one knowing there are many ways of parenting...I was blessed with a neat dad, but someday I'll share some of the underside with you....No dad is perfect!

Max Reddick said...

Very touching, very apropos post. I'm glad I stopped by.

msladydeborah said...

My parents divorced when I was two years old. My dad remarried and moved to another city.

I would see him every once and awhile during my childhood. I spent time with him and my sibs later on in life.

The best thing that has happened since I've become an adult is the forgiveness that occurred between my mom, dad and his current spouse. That made things somewhat easier on me as their daughter.

I can relate to being forgiving. Harboring hate will only posion you in the end.

The article was good. Thanks for drawing attention to it.

Have a great Father's Day!

SDG said...

What a wonderful story for Ledisi. My parents separated when I was about 7. My father wasn't present in my life and I forgive him. I bear him no ill will at all.

I forgave my mother moons ago and my father as well. I'm at peace with my parents. I learned that people can only give what they have & that you can't make your parents or anyone be what you want.

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